Bearly Getting It
by NeitherSparky
Summary: This story recounts how Evelyn, otherwise known as Torpedo, first got into villainry.
1. Chapter One

**Bearly Getting It**  
_by  
Cynthia "Sparky" Read_

_**Chapter One**_

"I'm telling you, LP, these robberies don't make any sense." Drake checked his watch again. "Those valuables have been disappearing without a trace...Where _is_ that dratted babysitter?" 

"Oh Dad!" yelled Gosalyn, putting one hand over the phone's mouthpiece, "Gwen says she's got displaysia and can't come tonight!" 

"D'oh!" Drake slapped his forehead. "That's the fourth babysitter this week who's chickened out on us!" 

"Why don't you call Evelyn?" suggested Honker. "She's the only teenaged girl around who isn't afraid of Gosalyn." 

Drake shook his head. "I tried her, she said I was" he paused, "_tight-fisted._" 

"You _are_ kinda cheap, Dad," Gosalyn piped in as she hung up the phone. "Besides, I hate Evelyn. She uses a cattle prod." 

"_I_ use a cattle prod, Gos." Drake frowned. "Great, no babysitter," he grumbled. "So _now_ what do we do?" 

Gosalyn and Honker looked hopefully at Drake and Launchpad. 

"Oh, no!" shouted Drake. "Not again!" 

"I don't see how much choice we have, DW," said Launchpad. "Besides, we'd better get out there before those robberies start again." 

Drake rolled his eyes and opened a drawer. "Oh, all right." He pulled out his walletthe one with his Drake Mallard ID in itand put it next to the purple wallet in the drawer. "You two can come with us, but you _have_ to stay in the Ratcatcher. Understood?" 

Two children nodded their heads. 

"All right then." Drake grabbed a wallet without looking and stuffed it in his pocket. "Let's get to the Tower." 

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"For the last time, you _can not_ use the curtains to make pirate ship sails!" Evelyn was at the end of her rope. "If you _must_ destroy the house, destroy the outside, okay?" 

"Oh all right," sulked Wayne. He stalked outside. 

Evelyn wrinkled her bill in disgust as the nine-year old boy retreated into the backyard. She _hated_ babysitting! Especially obnoxious, squinty-eyed brats like Wayne Putlovtowski. Mentally exhausted, Evelyn flopped down on the Putlovtowski's expensive couch to simmer her brain on cartoons. 

Much to her delight, her favorite cheesy Japanamation show, _Samurai Goat_, was just starting. The tern grabbed an open bag of potato chips off of the coffee table and started munching contentedly. 

_What a pitiful life_, she thought. Fifteen years old, an Olympic-worthy diver, and way too intelligent to be stuck in public high school..._It's a sad existence_. She attempted to watch the fuzzy-looking characters on the TV screen (she had neglected to put in her contacts earlier). Kamikaze Kow was tying innocent little Geisha Gnu up to some sort of diabolical device, as she did every episode. _Kamikaze doesn't look depressed, Evelyn thought to herself. The way she's cackling and rubbing her handser, hoovestogether indicates she's having a ball_. 

Evelyn frowned. Kamikaze _was_ having a good time. Thoughtfully, the tern reached around to pull a faded newspaper clipping from a back pocket of her jeans. Megavolt, frozen in a smudged black-and-white photograph, waved cheerfully back at her as Darkwing held his Gas-Gun to his snout. 

Megavolt. Evelyn sighed. Megavolt was just about the biggest hero in the world as far as the teenager was concerned. Not that she had a _crush_ on himshe did, however, find him remarkable. He was much too intelligent _not_ to turn to crime: that was Evelyn's theory. His talents would be wasted anywhere but on high felony. _Just like me_. 

Just then, Wayne burst back into the house. 

"We got a package!" he yelled shrilly, pouncing on the back of the couch and startling Evelyn into throwing the bag of chips into the air. "The man says you gotta sign for it!" 

"Oh all right, keep your cork on your fork," grumbled Evelyn. She rolled to her feet and walked to the door. "I'm the babysitter," she explained to the deliveryman, signing the slip. 

"My apologies," replied the deliveryman, watching Wayne bite a throw pillow in half. 

Evelyn closed the door after accepting the plain brown-paper-wrapped box. "Wayne!" she yelled over the suddenly raised volume of _Samurai Goat_, "this thing is addressed to 'The children of Mr. and Mrs. Putlovtowski'. You seem to come closest to that description." 

"Oh boy!" Wayne bounded forward and snatched up the box. He wasted no time in drilling to the contents, which he pulled out with a look of severe disappointment. 

"Aw, its just a dumb ol' teddy bear," he complained. "I'm too old for _baby_ toys. Now I'm _bored_." 

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Oh come on," she snapped. "Get a hobby." 

"Like what?" 

"Oh, I don't know," shrugged Evelyn. She had no problem with the fact that the boy disliked the bearshe didn't care for toys at all. "How about collecting stuff?" 

All the while Wayne had been holding the bear and glowering at it disapprovingly. Suddenly, the boy, still clutching the bear, clomped off towards the back bedroom. 

_Good_, thought Evelyn. _Let him demolish his parents' roomit would serve them right for not sending Wayne to live with the wolves long ago._

Suddenly, Wayne bumped into her legs on his way to the front door. 

"Hey, watch it!" she snapped, then noticed with surprise that the boy had an armful of his mother's expensive jewelry: gold tennis bracelets, strings of pearls, even what looked like one of Mr. Putlovtowski's gold watches. 

"What are you doing?" she demanded, grabbing the bear and trying to pull it away from the boy. Wayne, unresisting, let her take the bear. Then he shoved past her without a word and took off down the street at a steady clomp. 

Evelyn stared after him. _Well, that was odd_, she thought, then turned to the bear as if it might offer a solution to the mystery. Almost as if in response, the bear's large plastic eyes started to spin as soon as she looked into them. Evelyn blinked, suddenly grateful she wasn't wearing her contacts. She had begun to feel a strong urge to clean out the Putlovtowskis' cache of silverware. Evelyn gazed out the open door after the retreating Wayne. 

What could be going on? This was entirely too weird to pass up, so Evelyn grabbed her duffel bagstuffing the bear insideand hurried down the street after Wayne towards the warehouse district. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Bearly Getting It**  
_by  
Cynthia "Sparky" Read_

_**Chapter Two**_

Darkwing took notes. "And who was at home at the time of the crime, ma'am?" he asked. 

The distraught woman wrung her hands. "Just my children," she sniveled. "But they insist they didn't see anyone." 

Darkwing turned to the two pre-teen boys who slouched at their mother's elbows. "Gentlemen," he began importantly, "are you _certain_ you did not observe anyone in your home at the time of the robbery?" 

The boys shrugged and grunted something. 

"I see." Darkwing frowned and pretended to write something down. "Thanks for your help." 

"Don't you remember anything?" pressed Launchpad. 

"Well," said one of the boys after a moment. "We got a couple packages." 

"Yeah, it was a couple of dumb teddy bears," added the other boy. 

Launchpad looked around. "Is this one?" he asked, picking up a large-eyed stuffed bear from the porch floor. 

"Yeah." 

"I wonder what happened to the other one," mused Launchpad, examining the bear. 

"Launchpad, quit playing with toys and focus on the investigation." Darkwing closed his notebook. "That will be all, ma'am." 

The woman grabbed her sons by the wrists and hauled them inside, slamming the door. 

"Hey DW," called Launchpad, "wasn't there a bunch of bears like this at that orphanage we went to earlier?" 

"Launchpad, it's just a _bear_." Darkwing put his helmet on. "Let's go." 

"I'm going to keep this bear as evidence, DW." 

Darkwing rolled his eyes. "Fine fine fine," he said. "Come on." 

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Evelyn followed Wayne all the way downtown, to an abandoned deli sandwiched (heh heh) between two equally abandoned warehouses. Several blocks before actually reaching the deli, Evelyn had begun to notice several other children, all in a trancelike state similar to Wayne's and all toting valuables, as well as bears (unlike Wayne), heading in the same direction. 

The tern ducked behind a huge empty cardboard box as Wayne and the other children approached the deli's front door. She watched curiously as several of the children began kicking and banging on the door. Not surprisingly, Wayne was one of them. 

"All right all right, no need to get violent," a voice called out snippily from inside the deli. 

Evelyn blinked as the deli door opened. It was Quackerjack, one of Megavolt's Fearsome Five teammates. She cringed behind the box. What luck! 

"Well, well, well, very good!" cried Quackerjack as the children held out their stolen treasures. "Bring it all inside. Don't forget those bears!" When Wayne tried to march past inside, the Toymaker became furious. 

"And where's _your_ Hypno-Bear, little boy?" he demanded. Wayne was silent. "Oooh!" cried the duck, pulling on his captails. "Do you know how much those bears cost me to manufacture?" 

Evelyn, shouldering her duffelbag, crept silently around the box to an open window of the deli and peered inside. The children were dumping their pilfered goods in one pile and the Hypno-Bears in another. Infinitely intrigued, Evelyn climbed inside and rifled through the pile of treasures, looking for interesting trinkets. 

Quackerjack reluctantly let Wayne into the deli, then followed him inside. "Hey!" he shouted upon noticing Evelyn. "Get away from that!" 

Evelyn looked up impassively. She had never considered Quackerjack a dangerousor even competentvillain. But then, he worked with Megavolt, so she forced herself to be polite. "What's it to you?" 

Quackerjack frowned. "You're not a little kid," he remarked. 

Evelyn sighed. _Yes, supervillainry at its best_. "And what exactly is going on here?" she asked. 

The Toymaker folded his arms. "I'm not telling," he sniffed. 

Evelyn feigned irregard. "All right," she said, pulling Wayne's Hypno-Bear from her duffel. "I guess I'll just keep this, then." 

"Hey!" Quackerjack's eyes widened. "Give me that! No fair!" 

"Ah ah ah." Evelyn held the bear behind her back. "I want to know what you're up to." _Please please let it have something to do with Megavolt._

"Oh, all right," sulked Quackerjack. He perked up immediately as he grabbed a Hypno-Bear from the pile. "These bears," he began, "turn a handy profit. And I don't even have to sell them!" 

Evelyn raised an eyebrow. 

Quackerjack lowered the bear. "Do you like toys?" he asked suddenly. 

"Um." Evelyn almost said no, but concluded that might not be the best answer in this situation. "Sure," she shrugged. 

"Great!" shouted Quackerjack, grabbing Evelyn's arm. "Come on! I'll show you my giraffe collection!" 

"Swell." 


	3. Chapter Three

**Bearly Getting It**  
_by  
Cynthia "Sparky" Read_

_**Chapter Three**_

"I hate cases like this," muttered Darkwing as he maneuvered a sharp curve. 

"Cases like what, DW?" 

"Cases with no clues." 

"I still think this bear is a clue," said Launchpad, pulling the bear out and waving it. 

Gosalyn grabbed it. "Why would a stupid teddy bear be a clue?" she demanded squinting at the bear's face. Suddenly, she plunged her hand into Darkwing's pocket and grabbed his wallet. She jumped out of the Ratcatcher's sidecar, still clutching the wallet and the bear. 

"Gosalyn!" yelled Darkwing, Launchpad, and Honker in surprise as Gosalyn rounded a corner. 

Darkwing brought the Ratcatcher to a screeching halt. "What made her do that?" Darkwing was frantic. "We have to go after her!" 

So the three abandoned the motorcycle. They peeked around the corner and saw Gosalyn enter an abandoned deli. 

"Everyone keep quiet," Darkwing cautioned the others, and they followed him slowly around the corner to look in an open window. 

"Of course!" hissed Darkwing as he took note of the occupants of the place. "Quackerjack is behind all this!" 

"I told you the bear was a clue." 

Darkwing tried to ignore his sidekick. "There's Gosalyn!" he whispered. 

Sure enough, Gosalyn was running straight for Quackerjack, who was standing near a teenaged tern who held a duffel bag. 

"WhHey!" yelled Quackerjack as Gosalyn reached into a pocket of his costume and pulled out the clown's wallet. Then, to everyone's surprise, she presented the two wallets to Evelyn. 

"Um, thanks," said the tern, accepting the gifts. 

"Wait a minute..." mused Darkwing, staring at the wallet Gosalyn had confiscated from him, "that's Drake Mallard's wallet! I took the wrong one with me!" He began to panic. If Quackerjack realized that that wallet belonged to him, he could use the information inside to incriminate him. Sure, it was a stretch, but it was possible. He decided not to risk it. 

"Freeze, fiends!" he shouted, jumping through the open window. He dashed to Gosalyn's side, all the while keeping an eye on Quackerjack and the tern, who both blinked at him in surprise. He gave Gosalyn's shoulders a shake. 

"Huh? What?" Gosalyn looked around. "What are we doing here?" 

Darkwing whipped out his Gas-Gun. "Nobody move!" Then he paused. That tern looked familiar... 

"Hey that's Evelyn!" Gosalyn jabbed a finger accusingly at the tern. "She's a villain!" 

Evelyn suddenly felt a tinge of pride. Someone thought she was a villain! 

"Children, attack!" cried Quackerjack. 

Darkwing looked aroundand shrieked in terror as he caught sight of a tidal wave of unruly-looking children descending upon him. "Run!" he yelled, and he, Launchpad, Gosalyn, and Honker fled from the deli and around the corner. They pounced on the Ratcatcher. 

"Hurry, Dad!" begged Gosalyn. 

Darkwing struggled with the engine. "I...got it!" he shouted triumphantly as he sped away from the mob. 

"What was all that about?" Launchpad wanted to know. 

"I don't know," said Darkwing, "but we have to go back! Although," he mused, "that clown isn't likely to stay in the same place for long." 

Gosalyn realized then that she was still carrying the Hypno-Bear. "Ew, this thing freaks me out!" she shouted, throwing the bear at Honker. 

Honker examined the bear, careful not to look at its face. "This bear seems to be capable of emitting subliminal messages of some sort," he theorized. "Perhaps we can follow the signal of the other bears to find Quackerjack." 

"That's it, Honker!" enthused Darkwing, steering towards the Audobon Bay Bridge. 

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"Quackerjack! Hey!" 

It was no use; the clown was gone. 

Evelyn grumped. Some first experience as a villain this was turning out to be. _Of course, I don't even have a costume_. The tern glanced down at her hands, which still held the two wallets. If she wanted to have any chance of rejoining Quackerjack for this scheme, she had to find him. She opened the multicolored wallet and flipped through its contents. Finally, she found an annual pass to a major theme park which had his home address printed on it. She deduced from the address that Quackerjack must live in the apartment complex just across the street from the one she lived in with her mom. It didn't take her long to decide on a plan: run home, find a costume, then intercept the clown at his apartment. 

So that's what she did. Once in her bedroom, she pulled her diving wetsuit and goggles from her duffel and put them on (after actually putting her contacts in). She braided her loose hair and found a water pistol in her dresser which she filled with chlorine from the complex's pool supply closet. 

_Yeah, it's a kind of dumb costume,_ she mused, looking down at herself, _but it will have to do._

When she got to the outside of Quackerjack's apartment complex, she looked up at the outside of the building. By counting windows, she found the balcony that she was sure belonged to the clown. A moment's thought rewarded her with the conclusion that this was as good a time as any to exhibit true villainous behavior and she decided to break in. So she climbed up a tree which reached to the balcony and hopped down onto it. She saw an open window nearby and edged across a beam to enter through it into a bathroom. 

Evelyn walked down the hall to the living room, where the balcony was. Quackerjack was clearly not at home. So, resolving to wait, Evelyn sat on the room's red couch. 

There was an ominous growl on her right. Evelyn was surprised to find that the object she had previously mistaken for a grey throwpillow was in actuality a huge grey cat, which swished its tail in agitation, and growled again at the intrusion. "Gee whiz, keep your fur on," said Evelyn, grabbing up a real throw pillow to fend off the spitting feline. 

Just then, a key rattled in the front door's lock. 

Evelyn, not willing to be caught in a lose-win situation with a small furry animal, covered the surprised cat with the pillow and attempted to act as if she really belonged in the living room of a known supervillain. 

Quackerjack hauled himself through the door, pulling off his cap. An orange cat appeared out of nowhere to pounce on his knees, miaowing piteously. 

"Do you mind?" Quackerjack pushed the orange cat away with his foot as he shut the door behind him. Then he turned around. 

"Ack!" he cried, seeing Evelyn. He yanked his cap back onoffcenter. "What are you doing here?" he yelled, attempting to realign his mask's eyeholes. 

"I, um...ah..." Evelyn floundered. "I...wanted to see the rest of your giraffe collection?" 

"My gir!" Quackerjack was visibly upset. "How did you find me here?" he demanded. 

Evelyn took out the clown's wallet and waved it. 

Quackerjack's eyes widened and he snatched the wallet away from the tern. "_Give_ me that!" he shouted. He tossed the wallet onto a coffee table and placed one hand on the kitchen wallphone. "Now get out!" 

Evelyn raised an eyebrow. "What are you going to do?" she asked. "Call the police?" 

"Well I!" Quackerjack got a bewildered look on his face and fell silent. Then he took his hand off the phone. "You're not going to leave, are you?" 

Evelyn shook her head. 

Quackerjack frowned. "Nice outfit," he said, nodding at her wetsuit. "Going to the Olympics?" 

Evelyn glanced down. "Oh, um, no!" she said. "It's um...it's my costume." 

Quick as a flash, Quackerjack had pulled what looked like a .45 from his sleeve and had it pointed straight at Evelyn's head. "A superhero are you?" he demanded, becoming hostile. 

"No no no no!" screamed Evelyn, jumping up. "I'm a villain! A villain! Really!" 

"Ohwell, that's okay then." Quackerjack tossed the gun over his shoulder, narrowly missing the orange cat, which yowled and leapt into Evelyn's arms. "So...what do you call yourself?" 

_Uh oh._

"Um...you mean my uh...my villain name, right?" Evelyn stalled, putting the cat down. 

"No your political preferenceYes your villain name!" 

Evelyn searched desperately for a name...A name...something to do with diving, or water, or something... 

"Torpedo!" shouted Evelyn before Quackerjack could even utter a prompting "Well?" Then she cringed. _Oh God that's stupid..._

"Nice to meet you, Playmate!" enthused the clown, pumping her hand up and down vigorously. "Do you have any neat superpowers?" 

"Um...uh-uh." 

"That's good," said Quackerjack. "I don't either. This city could use some more non-superpowered villains. It's not so bad, reallyJust look at Negaduck, he's got no powers, and he's one of the biggest villains around!" 

"Um, yeah, well, I'm kinda...new," replied Evelyn, releasing herself from the clown's friendly grasp. She was relievedthis was going pretty well. 

"Do you want some cappuccino?" asked Quackerjack, retreating into the kitchen. 

"Yeah that'd be great," said Torpedo, sinking back down onto the couch. Doing so brought the second wallet the little girl had given her to her attention, and she reached around to pull it out. She opened it and scanned its contents as things rattled and clanked in the kitchen. The wallet belonged to some poor sap named Drake Mallard...too bad for him. She idly transferred all the cash to her pocket and set the wallet on a coffee table. 

"Hey!" Quackerjack poked his head out of the kitchen, which was full of smoke. He had to yell over the sudden, deafening roar of machinery. "Do you want sugar or substitute?" 


	4. Chapter Four

**Bearly Getting It**  
_by  
Cynthia "Sparky" Read_

_**Chapter Four**_

"Turn left here." 

"I can't believe this is happening," moaned Darkwing from his spot beside Honker in the Ratcatcher's sidecar. "How could I let such pertinent information fall into the hands of evildoers?" 

"Dad," berated Gosalyn around Launchpad as she clung to his back, "I wouldn't call your supermarket club card pertinent information." 

Darkwing looked up. "That supermarket club card has my_Drake Mallard's_name and address on it!" he snapped. "This could mean big trouble!" 

"Launchpad, stop here!" Honker shouted. Launchpad slammed on the brakes. Darkwing, who was the only one unprepared for a classic Launchpad Stop, went sailing out of the sidecar, across the street, and through an open manhole. 

"Mr. Darkwing, are you all right?" asked Honker, clambering out of the sidecar and peering down into the darkness. 

"No, I am not all right, I am in a sewer," responded Darkwing evenly. "Now will someone help me out, please? This ladder is coated with some slimy guck." 

"Actually, sir, you'll have to help _us_ down," said Honker, nudging his glasses up his bill. "The Hypno-Bear signal is coming from the sewers." 

"What's with Quackerjack and sewers?" Darkwing demanded rhetorically. "Oh all right. GosalynOof!" 

"Thanks Dad!" yelled Gosalyn, jumping off of Darkwing's chest. She looked up at the circle of sunlight above. "Okay guys!" she shouted. "You're clear to jump!" 

"Gosal_Owf!_" 

"Sorry, sir." 

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"Okay, rule number forty-six: 'If the good guy pulls a weapon on you, always be prepared to pull a bigger one out from behind your back.' That's a good one, Negaduck taught us that." 

Torpedo studiously scribbled in a notepad. "How do you like the Fearsome Five?" she asked conversationally. 

"Huh?" Quackerjack looked confused for a moment. "Oh. Well, it's fun, usually. Those guys are pretty neat to hang out with. Except," he added, wrinkling his bill, "for Negaduck. He yells at us a lot." 

"What do you think of...Megavolt?" 

Before Quackerjack could answer, however, a cloud of blue smoke erupted from a corner of the Toy Workshop. 

"I...am the terror...that _flaps_ in the night!" announced the blue cloud. 

"Bummer," muttered Torpedo. 

"I am the cheap plastic part in your expensive new power tool! I...am_Blind! I'm blind!_" 

Torpedo lowered her dripping water pistol. "You were saying?" 

Darkwing screamed and ran around the room clutching at his eyes. "Gah!" he screamed. "What is it? Acid! Get me some base!" 

Quackerjack, who had been blinking in surprise at the scene, suddenly collapsed to the ground in a fit of hysterics. Launchpad and the kids edged into the room. 

"Uh oh," said Launchpad. 

"Yeah it looks like Dad's put his foot in it again." 

Darkwing finally had the brilliant idea of wiping off his face with his cape. When his vision cleared, he stared in shock at the discolored spot the chlorine had created in the purple fabric. "That _does_ it!" he shouted, whirling on Torpedo, who feigned innocence. "_You_ are paying to have a new costume made!" 

Torpedo shrugged and pulled out a wallet. "Well I guess it's a good thing _this_ guy made that donation earlier then," she smirked. 

Darkwing gaped. "_Give_ me that!" he howled, lunging forward. 

"Huh? How come?" 

Darkwing froze in mid-air. "Er, ah, umNo reason," he lied. "I'm just...concerned...about that citizen's stolen property. Now give it here!" 

"Gee, so grabby." Torpedo shrugged. "Go get it, then." And she tossed the wallet several yards away. 

"Ah-ha!" shouted Darkwing triumphantly, making for the wallet. 

"Better look where you're going!" yelled Quackerjack, who had recovered. 

"WhyWHOOAAAHHH!" yelped the crimefighter, slipping on some spilled marbles and skidding straight into a wall. 

"Some hero," remarked Torpedo, rolling her eyes. 

Launchpad, seeing that his companion was currently incapacitated, stepped forward and cleared his throat. "All right you," he said to Torpedo, "Give up now and there won't be any trouble." 

"Oh, its no trouble at all," Torpedo assured the sidekick, and promptly squirted him with chlorine. 

But Launchpad quickly slid his goggles over his eyes. "Nice try." 

"Oh yeah, spoilsport?" Quackerjack produced something resembling a brightly-colored bazooka out of his back pocket. "How about this, then?" He pulled the trigger, and a barrage of alphabet blocks shot out of the bazooka towards a surprised Launchpad. Launchpad yelled and, in an amazing show of dexterity, managed to dodge every block. 

"We've gotta do something, Honk!" cried Gosalyn, watching her father slowly pick himself up off of the floor. 

"I'm working on it," Honker reassured her. He was fiddling with his Hypno-Bear tracker. "I think I can alter the bears' signal..." 

"Ha!" Torpedo was taunting Darkwing. "What a waste of a perfectly good costume!" 

"Oh...yeah?" Darkwing straightened his hat. "And what kind of costume is that, anyways?" he demanded, gesturing at Torpedo's wetsuit. "Who are you supposed to be, the Dive Team Marauder?" 

"My name," hissed the teen, "is Torpedo! Got it?" 

"Oh yeah, I got it all right," growled Darkwing, pulling out his Gas-Gun, "and now _you're_ gonna get it! Hands up, you devious delinquentAckpth! Will you _quit_ that?" he demanded, wringing chlorine out of his now discolored sleeve. 

Torpedo suddenly realized that she needed more weapons. 

"Psst!" hissed Quackerjack to the tern, "Rule number forty-six!" 

Torpedo glowered at the clown. "I _can't_," she hissed back, "I don't have another weapon!" 

"Ha!" gloated Darkwing. 

"Here," said Quackerjack, snapping an attachment to the bazooka and tossing the whole thing at Torpedo. "Catch." 

Torpedo caught it and quickly fired it at Darkwing before the vigilante could dodge. A barrage of cream pies covered Darkwing in seconds. 

The crimefighter wiped off his face. "What is this, 'Destroy Darkwing's Costume Day'?" he wailed. And with that he fired his Gas-Gun into the middle of the room. 

A thick black cloud filled the chamber, as well as shouts of confusion and people bumping into things. 

"Way to go, Darkwing!" 

"Thanks for your support, Gos." 

"Where's the exit?" cried Launchpad. There was the sound of something breaking. "OopsI stepped on something." Launchpad groped. "Oh, it was just one of those bears." 

"Argh!" wailed Quackerjack. "You'd better plan to pay for that!" 

"Oh give it a rest, won't you?" Torpedo picked up a bear and frowned at it just as the smoke cleared. 

Quackerjack grabbed up a bear too. "Don't you have any concept of cost absorption?" he demanded. He looked anxiously at the bear he held to make sure it was undamaged. 

Darkwing picked Honker, who he had knocked over while blinded by the smoke, up off the ground and set him on his feet. "You all right, Honker?" he asked. 

"Yes sir," replied the boy. He picked up the broken Bear-Tracker. "But I wasn't quite finished with..." 

Suddenly Quackerjack and Torpedo, still clutching their bears, shoved their way past Darkwing to exit the chamber. They ran off down the sewer. 

"They're escaping!" shouted Darkwing, reloading his Gas-Gun. 

"Uh, DW," said Launchpad, putting a hand on the crimefighter's shoulder, "Maybe you should let them go." 

Darkwing shrugged. "Well, that's that," he said, putting his Gas-Gun away. "Too bad the villains got away. At least I got this back." He picked up the wallet and opened it. "Yep yep yep, reunited with my ToyBank Automated Teller cardHey! This isn't my wallet!" 

"Hey Dad," said Gosalyn. "My babysitters are turning to crime! Guess you have to take me with you every night from now on." 

Darkwing rolled his eyes. 

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"This was a great idea," Torpedo snapped irritably. 

"It _was_ a great idea!" insisted Quackerjack. 

"Yeah well," grumped the tern, "remind me not to tag along with _you_ next time you decide to build toys that hypnotize people to pickpocket Negaduck!" 

Quackerjack sniffed. "It's not _my_ fault he had that tank behind his back." 

"Shut up and help me figure out a way off of this skyscraper," Torpedo grumbled. "I have school tomorrow."

* * *

_Story copyright 1998 Cynthia A. Read. All characters are copyright Disney, except for Evelyn/Torpedo, who is copyright Sophie Dean. Oh, and the cartoon 'Samurai Goat' and all the characters in it, those are copyright both Sophie and I. This story may be cloned as many times as the world can stand it as long as these credits remain intact and attached._


End file.
